Dear Dad,
It's been awhile since I've written...almost one year to be exact. At times it feels like an eternity and just a blink of an eye all at once. I've tried to come back and write, but I found myself at a loss for words. It feels like it's just the same thoughts running around in my head.
At some moments the pain is so fresh that I find myself tearing up. It's always at completely inconvenient moments like when I'm driving to a client's house or walking around the grocery store. This morning I thought it would be rather convenient if I could just wear sunglasses everywhere. It's funny how grief hits you. Ok it's not really funny but for instance I was afraid of coming up to the computer to write, because I thought I'd turn into some weeping mess and I'm just tired of being sad. I thought to myself ok lets just do it, writing is therapeutic, just turn on the sad music, cry....whatever. But I'm relieved to find I don't feel sad right now. This morning driving to Stop N Shop I was a bawling mess..I had to dig in my bag for my sunglasses, because heaven forbid anyone should see me crying...rain and sun glasses totally not suspicious at all...but now reading through everything I wrote..digging up all those emotions from one year ago that felt so real this morning....nothing. Go figure...
Anyways Dad if you have been watching us from somewhere this past year I know you have been smiling. There have been so many happy moments, so much laughing. One of my clients tells me it's an Irish thing, all the laughing, even at the funerals. I don't know about that but I do know it's a Frank Boyle thing. Because you laughed a lot. When we are all together playing a game, eating one of Mom's amazing meals, I can hear your laugh. When Daniel sits at the head of the table and says grace like you always used to, I can feel your presence, I can hear your voice. And I know you are proud. I felt you with me during the Ironman and all those long training hours by myself. People have asked me "how do you keep going? what makes you not stop?" and I think, if you knew my Dad, you would know the answer to that.
Every time I hear this song I think of you Dad, So I will end with this.
"She says I'm okay; I'm alright,
Though you have gone from my life
You said that it would,
Now everything should be all right
She says I'm okay; I'm alright,
Though you have gone from my life
You said that it would,
Now everything should be all right
Yeah should be alright "
Love you Dad.
